Coach Cathy Toupin

Chronic Illness and Relationships One of the biggest challenges after being diagnosed with a chronic illness is how to handle your relationships. We often feel ...that not only do we have to manage our own feelings with regards to the diagnosis but we also feel like we have to manage our partner’s, our kids’ or our extended family’s feelings at the same time. I know I did! However, I quickly learned how impossible that is! Here is what CAN come up for you when you are first diagnosed! Feelings of Overwhelm upon being diagnosed. So many aspects of our lives are affected by our diagnosis and there are so many questions that come up when we are first diagnosed, the biggest one being how to navigate our relationships. Below are some of the questions that came up for me when I was first diagnosed with Lupus in 1983 and then in 2018 when I was also diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. Family Relationships: Questions like: What? I have, what? What does that even mean? What does it mean for my family? Now what do I do? How do I tell my family? What if my spouse can’t handle the news? How will I look after my kids? What if my family doesn’t understand or accept my diagnosis (this also includes your extended family members)?" Work Relationships: If employed: Do I tell my employer? If yes, how do I tell my employer? What if I can’t do my job? What if they fire me? If self-employed: How will I run my business? Should I shut it down or keep it going? What if I am not well enough to manage it? How will I make money to pay my bills? Friendships: What if my friends don’t get it? What if I get left behind because I am too sick to do stuff with them? The people who are in your lives whether it is your family, your colleagues and your friends are as overwhelmed as you are by your diagnosis. Here is what I encourage you to remember: IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO MANAGE THEIR EMOTIONS! I often have felt powerless when it to comes to how those who are closely affected by my health feel. I have felt guilty when my kids were little and I couldn’t do the things other parents could do! I have felt guilty when, for months at a time, I couldn’t work because of my health. Here are 3 things I do everyday to overcome these feelings of powerlessness and guilt: 1) Every morning, before I get out of bed, I choose what kind of day I am going to have. There are days when I don’t feel well and I acknowledge those days and I honor myself and others by being honest about that. 2) I express gratitude for at least one thing every single day whether I feel like it or not. It is hard to feel stressed and upset when you express gratitude. 3) I acknowledge that my family, friends and coworkers are going to feel what they feel and when they want or need to talk about it, I listen with an open heart. I don’t have to have the answers to their questions and neither do they expect me to have the answers for them. Remember to breathe! Take one day and, sometimes, one moment at a time. Be kind to yourself and others! Have a great day!

Life is about choices. So what do you choose? Love or Hate Belief or Unbelief Joy or Sorrow... Blessing or Cursing Abundance or Poverty Calmness or Anger Forgiveness or Unforgiveness I am thinking of the prayer of St. Francis this morning as I am writing this post. I understand that in certain circumstances of life, some of these choices are difficult, but they aren't impossible. It may mean doing some mental framing work but the great news is you don't have to do that work alone and you can go through the shift quickly. I would love to have a conversation with you on how this can happen for you sooner rather than later. Reach out to me by sending a message and lets have a chat. Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw Have a great day everyone.

It takes a lot of courage to live with a chronic illness or chronic pain. I have encountered so many that take on this challenge with such grace and beauty. I acknowledge YOU today and tell you that I see you!

Handling Disappointment How do you handle disappointment? This morning, I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist that has been booked since the end of June. I have had some issues come up like a rash on my face, and daily headaches. I was really looking forward to seeing her. Because of Covid-19, my appointment had been cancelled (no one thought to let me know). I showed up to the clinic (a 30-minute drive from my home) only to find this out. Apparently, even though...Continue reading

Every morning when I wake up, I ask myself: what kind of day am I choosing to have today? I love this post.

This quote came up in my FB memories from 7 years ago. This is as true today for me as it was then. How aware are you of your thoughts each day?

I had to share this post from Lupie Linda because I love the power that flows through it. We are not our disease(s)! And yet, I know that I have sometimes let them define me. This post talks about our choices that we have the power to make.

I absolutely love this and here is why: we try many different ways to deal with things rather than go through them and we end up going through them anyway. Why not embrace the "going through" the journey to get to the other side right from the outset? It will save you time, frustration and a lot of grief!

Phone call or text?Phone call or text?

What an awesome article.

This infographic is courtesy of NCOA.org. If you will notice, the largest percentage is attributed to Hypertension. If you will also look at the Quick Facts. 80% of the people they looked at have at least 1 chronic condition and 68% have 2 or more. Does this impact your life and health?

Imagine your life as a beautiful jigsaw puzzle that has been put together, every piece in place! Now you have been diagnosed with a chronic illness (or 2 or 3)... and suddenly your beautiful life has been broken into a million pieces. You don't know which end is up! You are in complete overwhelm and you are so stunned you don't know what to say to people. Or perhaps you have been ill for awhile and have just received a new diagnosis of yet another chronic illness. "What? As if one wasn't enough! Now I have to deal with new symptoms and new medications?" You have been rebuilding your life after your first diagnosis only to have it break apart again! I understand because this happened to me! For awhile after the 2nd diagnosis I felt like I had completely lost my voice. I didn't know what to think, how I was feeling or how to express myself to anyone in my life. As a chronic illness coach who also lives with 2 chronic illnesses, I had to find my voice again and I did. This is why I created this short video called 3 Steps to Finding Your Voice. I have attached the link here. I hope you find it helpful. Just remember! You've got this and I've got you! Have a great day.

When you aren't feeling well, I think it is important to practice self care. A lot of women who live with a chronic illness struggle with guilt because they can't do everything thing they think they should be doing. Pace yourself throughout the day! Be kind to yourself! Reach out for support when you need it! As alone as we can feel sometimes, I have to remind myself every day that I am not alone and I am here to remind you that you are not alone either.