Dania Chebib Psychotherapy & Consulting
#120-1856 Ambrosi Rd V1Y 4R9 Kelowna, BC, Canada

We get programmed early on by our environments about how safe or acceptable it is to feel or have any kind of need. If our feelings or needs were frequently dismissed, invalidated, ignored, ridiculed, etc... then our nervous system encodes that as a threat. . . That programming then shapes us to unconsciously bury, hide, or totally disconnect from our feelings and needs. .... . It's no wonder that so many of us can feel so lost in life because we've had years of programming to tell us to totally shut down from our own selves. . . So please be patient with yourself when you feel stuck or frustrated with yourself, with not knowing how you feel, or not knowing what you want or need. . . Your nervous system may need a lot of support and nurturing to access those inner parts of you... perhaps some tender care to let those spaces be new and unknown, so that you can find your depths and know the real you under those layers of supposed to's and they told me so's. See more

If there is one thing I know for sure as a therapist, it's that there is so much more of a togetherness in our pain than we know... and therefore there is so much more of a togetherness in our healing than we know. . . The hard part is that many of us do all of this in silence and behind closed doors. We feel that we can’t bring our suffering and our real lives into much of life - into our workplaces, our friendships, our family gatherings... and sometimes this is actually tr...ue, and for good safe reasons. . . And yet one of the many gifts I get from being a therapist., is the gift of being able to see the commonality of suffering as humans, the commonality of grief, sorrow, loss, hardship, pain, anger, jealousy, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, depression, lostness.... . . Because it is so much easier to put our healing out in the open once we've gotten to the other side. But the reality is, that the depth of our healing is happening in those painful places.. the places we don't like.. and the places that feel too painful and unsafe to wear on our sleeves and let others see. . . There is a togetherness in our healing, even when we don't see it. And we need to know this. We need to FEEL this togetherness. It helps us make room for our own pain and healing and know that we are not broken, but that actually we are in our very wholeness by allowing ourselves to feel this pain. See more

I remember the days when my depression was so deep, that just getting out of my bed and making it out of my room was a huge accomplishment, never mind taking a shower. . . When our struggles are invisible, it is especially hard for others to recognize that what we are experiencing IS real. It's so much easier for others to dismiss our experience when we talk about mental health issues... because others can't SEE them. .... . Having someone tell me to "cheer up" or "be grateful" for things in my life when I was that low honestly just made me feel so much worse. Because right away, it shut me down from my experience... it gave me the message that what I was experiencing was false or fake or dramatic.. something I could easily just *snap* out of. . . What helped me get out of chronic depression was to finally start to validate my feelings, having caring therapists in my life to help me learn how to feel my feelings all the way through, having others in my life who helped me to really acknowledge my experience with so much compassion... and internalizing that for myself on a deep level...and then gradually.. it started lifting. . . There are still days that I feel down... I'm not gonna lie. But if I can give myself room to actually feel into my feelings, the depression lifts (see my post on Depression as a coping mechanism just a bit further down in my feed for more on this). See more

I sometimes hear clients and friends say things like, "I don't want to be arrogant" by accepting a compliment. I can relate to this, because I also used to feel the same. Until I learned that there is a difference between arrogance and pride. . . In consultation with another therapist today, this very conversation came up. And my consultant highlighted the difference between arrogance and pride. He said, "Arrogance is always based on fear. .... . Sort of like.... "Look how big and important I am because inside I feel so small and worthless." . . Whereas pride is an acknowledgment of our worthiness from a place that is grounded in deep love and care for ourselves. . . Many of us grew up in homes where being proud of ourselves was misconstrued as arrogance. Or maybe we grew up in homes where our parents didn't pay much attention to our achievements and strides. Or maybe we grew up in homes where performance and outward success was more valued than meanngful inward success.. like speaking up for ourselves in a vulnerable situation or expressing our needs to an authority figure. . . Whatever your situation was, I want to say that you deserve to celebrate and acknowledge even the seemingly smallest triumphs. You deserve to cheerlead yourself through even the tiniest change... because the truth is, our nervous systems need that, our hearts and minds need that, and our souls need that, so that we can continue to lean into our edges of transformation, growth, and healing... and recognize what actually already IS going right, what actually IS already changing... RIGHT here... RIGHT now. See more

It's pretty easy to say "feel your feelings" but its a lot harder for us to actually do that. . . When we can feel the support of another caring human being, it helps us to feel safe enough to drop down into our nervous system, and into our feelings. .... . Clients are so often surprised by how deeply and quickly feelings can shift when they can lean into them and stay with them compassionately, whilst feeling my encouragement and support in the room. . . In this experience, we learn that when we stay with our feelings and feel them all the way through, we will find ourselves on the other side of a rainstorm... we feel lifted, calm, connected, and open to new experiences and awareness. See more

The bravest part about opening up to growth and healing is that it takes us down unfamiliar paths - beyond the forests of familiar pain and struggle and into a landscape we've never traveled before. . . On this journey we have new experiences They are tenuous and shaky ... And take a lot of effort and courage to recognize to acknowledge and to welcome into our awareness. . . We need care, gentleness, and words of encouragement In these unfamiliar spaces inside. . . These new inner landscapes are not symptoms of your lostness But are signs of your becoming and your remembering all at the same time of the core you you have always been that your lostness has found. See more