Forty and Phenomenal
5 Iona Crt N3W1G7 Caledonia, ON, Canada

So I did a thing. Last year when I returned to school I realized how much I love to learn. This year, when I realized a return to University was not possible, I decided to follow another passion. I register to become an ICF Registered Coach Practitioner. I have loved every minute of learning and the sessions I have lead thus far. I feel my journey has lead me here and has given me qualities and skills that will allow me the joy of coaching others to realize their dreams. I am looking forward to continued growth as I work my way through the course. Just goes to show, it is never to late to follow a dream!

Although there are 7 days left until fall officially arrives, I can feel the change in the air. For me, there is something so magnificent about fall. The brilliant colours, the cool evenings, sweaters, soup and delicious fall vegetables. It is as if Mother Nature is wrapping her arms around me. But what is most magnificent is fall is the organic preparation for rebirth. Just as the leaves on the trees turn colours to be shed, our habits change. There is a tendency to be indoors more which can lead to self reflection leading to the shedding of our shadow parts. We can learn new habits, heal old wounds and when spring comes, we will slowly emerge as a rejuvenated version of ourselves. There is just something so magical about fall, so embrace it and all it has to offer!

HELLO 45!!!!!! Today I say good bye 44, hello 45! The past year has been full of tears, laughter and learning. I reconnected with old friends and I learned the truth depths of other friendships. It was a year of endings and a year of beginnings. It was a year of grieving and a year of healing. It is the day that I regained the freedom to be me! It has been an emotional day, but I have consciously decided that today is the day that life begins. I have started researching some new ventures and adventures! Today is the beginning and I plan to make the most of it. So watch out as my phenomenal life begins to unfold!

All my life I had been active. When I was little I was always outside either riding my bike, or running around. I did gymnastics, played basketball and Tae Kwon Do. I was ALWAYS active and when I was with my ex, that all ended. I became a couch potato; and I did not like it. Little did I know, but giving up physical activity was self abandonment. Eight months after I left my ex, I started looking for a gym. I am not really a fan of traditional gyms. A friend of mine was goin...g to a gym called FRESHFHIIT and said that I should try it. So, I went and I fell in love. Although I loved it, I came to a realization: I am no longer 20! My movements were anything but graceful and I felt all clumsy; a feeling that a former competitive athlete finds odd to say the least. But in that realization there was a beauty, a sense of peace. Realizing I was not 20 allowed me to embrace who I am. I now had the opportunity to learn who I am now and what I am capable of now. One year and a pandemic later, I am still a member of FRESHFHIIT and I am still loving it! FRESHFHIIT has not only helped me to get reacquainted with myself, it provided me with a community. It is so much more then a gym. It is a safe place to challenge myself with the support of many. It is a place that I can Sweat that sh*t out! It is my happy place. Thank you FRESHFHIIT!

I used to think that self care was bubble baths with candles. Although the baths were great and provided me with essential me time, I realize now that it was a form of escapism. When the bath was done, I went back to the toxic relationship dynamic I was stuck in. Then, one day I gave myself the greatest form of self-care possible. I left. I decided I wanted and DESERVED a life that I did not need to escape from. On Tuesday, my matrimonial home sold. So now, I am taking the ne...xt step toward building a life I do not need to escape. I am having a look at my financial health. Now that I am on my own things are different, not just from a relationship perspective. I need to take steps to ensure my financial health, as finances are one of the greatest sources of stress. For my Me time today, I am setting myself up on a budget. Budget is such a dirty and scary word, we tend to approach it with a scarcity mentality. Budget means lack of fun, restrictions. I am approaching budget from a different perspective. I am approaching budget as a means to live my phenomenal life. The road to opportunity. It won’t be easy, it will call for some serious reflection and inquiry in regards to my relationship with money. To be honest I am actually looking forward to new form of self-care. Just writing this post, I am feeling empowered. What are you doing for self-care??? I would love to hear!

HELLO 45!!!!!! Today I say good bye 44, hello 45! The past year has been full of tears, laughter and learning. I reconnected with old friends and I learned the truth depths of other friendships. It was a year of endings and a year of beginnings. It was a year of grieving and a year of healing. It is the day that I regained the freedom to be me! It has been an emotional day, but I have consciously decided that today is the day that life begins. I have started researching some new ventures and adventures! Today is the beginning and I plan to make the most of it. So watch out as my phenomenal life begins to unfold!

While with my ex, many people would make comments about if it’s that bad then just leave!. Since leaving my ex, many people have made the comment you finally decided to leave! There is nothing worse you can say to a person in a toxic relationship. Such comments epitomize victim shaming. For anyone that has been in one, you may be able to relate to post. Leaving a toxic relationship is easier said then done. The dynamic of a toxic relationship is so complex. The complexit...y is caused by TRAUMA BONDING. Leaving takes time, planning, strength, support and a whole lot of courage. In the past few months I have started to follow The Angry Therapist. He has a very good way of explaining things. I love his post about trauma bonding it is a great read and that is why I am sharing it today. If you are or have been in a toxic relationship, know that I can relate and you are not alone. https://medium.com//what-is-trauma-bonding-how-to-break-fr

Three weeks ago, I moved out of my matrimonial home after cohabitating with my ex for 20 months. A feat I am told not many could accomplish. I am not going to lie, there were times where I questioned what I was doing as there were some very dark days. After some reflection, I can say that although that experience gave me some of my darkest moments, it also gave me some of my most healing moments. A healing paradox, for which I am so grateful. When I first decided to leave, I... was an emotional mess! I berated myself for staying in the relationship for as long as I did. However, the more I worked on myself, the less I beat myself up and the less my ex could trigger me. The more I started to understand the dynamic of the relationship the less I berated myself. There was light in the darkness. Now, on my own, I can really start to heal. The first few days I was discombobulated. My body did not know how to deal with a peaceful environment. So many emotions and sensations have come up. But with my new found awareness, I am able to sit with them and process. This time is about me. About rediscovering me, who I am. What I love and what no longer serves me. It is really an exciting time. Every day is a new day and everyday is a brighter day. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.

The physically distanced group shot! BFFS hanging out physically distanced style on a warm summer day!

Thank you Dina DeSarno

This is my father. Yesterday he would have been 65 years old and Friday marks 17 years since his passing. In those 17 years I have not posted a single thing about him. In fact, I have spent the better part of 16 years trying not to think about him at all. It was not until this past year, during my journey to phenomenal living that I REALLY took a look at my father, my feelings toward him and his impact on my life. My father was not really a good man, nor could he have been co...nsidered a good dad. He may have had good moments, but that was all they were, moments. My father was capable of many things that people outside of our immediate family were not aware of. I spent the better part of my life when he was alive being angry at him and wishing for the toxicity to end. When he passed I thought it was finally over, but it was not, and not just because I harboured so much anger and resentment. As I wade through the healing from my toxic marriage and messy divorce, I can see that what I have done is repeat the pattern of toxicity. The parallels are astonishing. Clearly I had an unhealed father wound. This past year, I have worked hard to examine this wound. While I was doing a course on boundaries, I had to look at what my family life taught me about boundaries. When I had to examine the type of boundaries my father had, I had this great sadness come over. I felt a compassion for my father that I never felt before. I realized that he did the best he could with what he was taught and has done unto him. I am finally able to grieve my father, not just his physical loss, but his absence from life when he was alive. I still have a long way to go, but I am making progress. We all have deep wounds that we carry with us and it is never too late to look inward and give ourselves the gift of healing

Black lives matter. I understand that I will never understand: however, I stand.

When I was growing up Saturday mornings meant Saturday morning cartoons. For me, Saturday morning cartoons were a big deal, I even had Friday night pyjamas I had to wear to be ready for Saturday morning cartoons. It was a routine that brought me so much joy. As an adult Saturday mornings took on a whole new meaning, household chores and errands. Saturdays were the day since I worked Monday to Friday. So in essence, Saturday was just another work day. Since making my commitm...ent to me and my h journey to phenomenal living, I reinstated a routine akin to Saturday morning cartoons. I now take time for me before doing my adulting! I start the day with my 15 mins of silence and then I make my coffee. If the weather is nice, I have a cup with Mother Nature. If the weather is not, I stay warm under my covers while I enjoy each and every sip! Then, I read a book, colour in my adult colouring book or maybe even doze off again! Saturday mornings are made for relaxing! Carving time for yourself on a Saturday morning makes adulting so much easier and helps you live your phenomenal life! How do you relax on a Saturday morning? #Saturdaymornings #lazydays #phenomenalliving #adultcolouringbooks #livingmybestlife #Saturdaymorningcoffee

What is a power anthem???? A power anthem is a song that you play that makes you feel empowered and like you can conquer anything. I have a few power anthems that I like to play when I am getting ready in the morning or driving to work. Now, I am not an avid Katy Perry fan; however, this particular song has made it to my power anthem list.... What are some of your power anthems? I would love to hear them! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CevxZvSJLk8

I has been awhile since I pulled my hair up, but COVID made me do it!!! It has been almost 3 months since I had my hair done. And anyone who knows me, knows hair is important to me. Good hair helped me to feel phenomenal! My roots are so noticeable right now and my hair is getting unmanageable so I pulled it up. A thing I used to do all the time because I liked they way I looked and felt. Doing my hair is one thing that I abandoned during my toxic marriage, it was too much... like work. So I would just wear it down all the time, all the creativity was lost. What I have learned is that was one of the ways that I abandoned myself. Part of the journey to phenomenal living is to be vulnerable with ourselves, which means to step back and really look at the choices we made and our behaviours and own them. Even if they were not the best. By owning my self abandonment, I can get curious about it, see if there is a pattern and then work to resolve it. The tricky part of the questioning is being gentle with ourselves and showing self-compassion. See more