Lisa Catallo Counselling
22112 52 Avenue V2Y 2M6 Langley, BC, Canada

Parents: When we over-function our kids will under-function which does not prepare them for their future.

When you are hurting in relationship, Christmas can be a difficult time of year. If you are an adult struggling with your parent or your adult child and feeling unsure about how Christmas celebrations will feel, know that you are loved. If you are a teenager trying to figure out what you believe about the world around you and yourself, know that you are loved.... If you have received a diagnosis for your young child and aren’t sure what that means for your future or theirs and struggle with how that affects your relationship with them, know that you are loved. If you are in a marriage or long-term relationship where you are lonely and not sure what it will look like this time next year, know that you are loved. If you are going through the efforts of becoming a different, more authentic person and some relationships are shifting, and trying to figure out what they look like now, know that you are loved. If you struggle to agree with the end of each of those statements you are loved, I totally get it. When relationships are strained or hurting it can be hard to find places or people where you feel loved. It almost feels like people are afraid that your pain is contagious so they don’t want to enter into it with you. Or you don’t want to have someone else feel pain when they look like everything else is going so well. And yet. My hope for you is that you know someone who does love you. Maybe it’s a baby that can’t say the words yet. Or a child that you shouldn’t rely on for love. Or an auntie that has always given you the best hugs ever. Or your mom who has to love you. AND you. What are some ways that you can love yourself over this difficult season? - ask for what you need from close friends/family - go to bed early - buy yourself a small gift that will make you smile - stay a bit longer in the presence of someone who is uplifting - know that this is a season in time, and while it is painful, it will pass - connect with a friend, counsellor, spiritual advisor, someone who can give you some perspective and validation while helping you be honest with yourself and others My heart goes out to youyou don’t have to be aloneand you are loved.

According to John Gottman (@gottmaninstitute), a renowned relationship researcher, there are four ways of doing conflict that are detrimental to your relationsh...ip. Contempt - you have no use for your partner, and often think you're much better than they are Stonewalling - you shut down, don't engage, or walk away from an argument without trying to come back later Defensiveness - you think you have to protect yourself every time "I don't ALWAYS do that...you do this thing" Criticism - you attack the character of your partner rather than the action The thing is that we usually want to make conflict go away. Which is unrealistic. Finding ways to have conflict without using these methods can help you argue and still stay connected. See more

You've heard the term self-care, and think of bubble baths and time away. But who has time for that in December?! Join us for a virtual workshop on Wednesday, ...December 15th to build a self-care resource kit that works for YOU. Register through the link in our bio #langleymomsinbusiness #howtogethealthy #langleymoms #wherehealingcomestogether #notquitesouthsurrey #langleybc #anxiety #lowermainland #selfcare #selfcarematters #selfcare #selfcaretips #selfcarethread #selfcareroutine #selfcarethreads #selfcareday #selfcareisntselfish

Fact: 90% of families using emergency shelters are headed by single women. Fact: 21% of single mothers in Canada raise their children in pov...erty. Fact: Approximately 699 women and 235 accompanying children are turned away from domestic violence shelters in Canada every. single. day. Source: The Women’s National Housing & Homelessness Network The Shoebox Project for Women provides gift-filled shoeboxes to women experiencing homelessness as a reminder that they are not alone. With one small act of kindness you can make a significant impact. Visit the link in our bio to learn how you can help. #VancouverShoeboxProject See more

VAW* shelters across Canada, on an average day, turn away 1000 women and their children. The reason behind 82% of the rejections is because the facilities were ...full. Source: The State of Women’s Housing Needs & Homeless in Canada (2020) Often, women and their children are forced to return to their abuser and to the violent environment they tried to flee. These victims face life-threatening situations on a daily basis. Our goal at The Shoebox Project for Women is to collect and distribute gift-filled Shoeboxes to local women impacted by homelessness across Canada. Help us foster safe, supportive and inclusive communities by facilitating compassionate gestures of kindness between our supporters and local women experiencing homelessness. #VancouverShoeboxProject See more

Just saw this post in one of the local groups Donations for Abbotsford being taken TODAY (Wednesday) at Christ Covenant Church - 6866 Glover Road

Given Dr. Henry's orders about face masks today, please note that we are requiring that they be used in the waiting rooms and hallways at both of my locations. Thank you for your understanding and patience as we navigate our ever changing landscape. ... #drhenry #covid19 #couragecompassionconnection #wherehealingcomestogether #langleybc #whiterockbc See more

The way that you talk to yourself starts to shape who you are and how you interact with the world. What are some ways that you can start to speak about yourself neutrally or positively? Maybe you're not a worrier...you just feel a lot of emotions and give them space and time to be. Instead of fixing yourself with a label, reframe the way that you think and talk about yourself in much the same way you would a friend.... Be kind to yourself in word and in deed, and you will start to notice that others begin to do the same thing. #couragecompassionconnection #selfcare #covid19 #coronavirus #mom #parenting #alone #isolated #isolation #anxiety #trauma #tired #overwhelmed #takecareofyourself #vancouverbossbabes #bossbabes #positiveselftalk #nolabels #emotions #worry #lazy #relax #unique #weird #fraservalleybossladies #panorama #notquitesouthsurrey #whiterock #southsurrey See more

Self-care often gets put at the bottom of our list. Setting a plan for taking care of yourself can make it so that you actually make it happen. Here is a quick reminder of some areas that you might consider practising self-care this month. What are some practical ways that you can take care of yourself this month? #couragecompassionconnection #selfcare #covid19 #coronavirus #mom #parenting #alone #isolated #isolation #anxiety #trauma #tired #overwhelmed #takecareofyourself #vancouverbossbabes #bossbabes #fraservalleybossladies #panorama #notquitesouthsurrey #whiterock

The day has finally arrived! I am now open for services in #langleybc! Going forward, I am offering counselling: * in White Rock on Mondays * in Langley Tuesdays through Thursdays.... I can't wait to share pictures of the Langley office with you. If you aren't already, follow along with me at @panoramawellness as our group grows and offers more wellness services. #moving #nowopen #counselling #langleybc #whiterockbc #finally #wherehealingcomestogether #couragecompassionconnection #itsbeenawhile #onlytwolocationsnow See more

Each week during the time between Thanksgiving and New Years, I'm sharing some possible affirmations and accomplishments you could try noting in your journal. Some times this means writing something easy and light, and others it means taking some time to contemplate something deeper. Or it can be a mix! Reflecting on the fact that you are not your mistakes could feel like a big thought or idea for you. Does it feel okay to write that down about yourself?... And accomplishments can be something as simple as making your bed. How nice will it be to have to pull back the sheets before jumping into bed tonight?! #journal #journaling #accomplishment #affirmation #dailyaffirmation #discipline #therapy #counselling #couragecompassionconnection #dailyjournal #writethatdown #positivethoughts #thinkpositive #selfimage #selfcare #trauma #whiterock #surreybc #southsurreybc #notquitesouthsurrey #counsellor #makeyourbed #neatbed #iamnotmymistakes See more

I know it's Halloween today, and you probably have more fun things to be thinking about. And yet, some times those are the days that you need to especially sit and consider yourself and your needs. So here's this week's/today's journal thoughts. Have you seen the movie "The Help"? This quote stuck out for a lot of us. What is it like to affirm yourself in this way today? Can you embrace that? And what if your accomplishment today is ...to connect with a friend? How's that fit for you today? #journal #journaling #accomplishment #affirmation #dailyaffirmation #discipline #therapy #counselling #couragecompassionconnection #dailyjournal #writethatdown #positivethoughts #thinkpositive #selfimage #selfcare #trauma #whiterock #surreybc #southsurreybc #notquitesouthsurrey #counsellor See more

So, I have anxiety. I've always had it I think. There have been seasons that it's come in waves so strong and fast it knocked me off my feet. There has also bee...n seasons of unexplainable calm and peace. Sometimes anxiety feels like all my senses are turned up too high. Every noise is too loud. Every touch is too rough. Every light is too bright. Sometimes anxiety has made me silent and frozen. I feel trapped in a prison of my own fear, unable to cry out for help. Sometimes anxiety makes normal life feel overwhelming. Everything is too much. Cleaning the mess is too much, doing the laundry is too much, paying the bills is too much. Sometimes anxiety makes me unable to handle (read) the news or even have certain conversations with friends because if I do my mind will spin out of control. Sometimes anxiety causes me to feel physically ill, like headaches, stomach aches, and knots in my back and neck from stress. Sometimes anxiety feels like being completely alone in a room full of people. Sometimes anxiety causes panic attacks so strong I can't breath and I begin to sob uncontrollably wherever I'm at (even I'm in the grocery store). Sometimes anxiety makes me unable to sleep. Sometimes anxiety makes me on edge and impatient with my family. That's my least favorite symptom I think. You know what else having anxiety means? It means I will never judge someone in the middle of a battle with mental health. I will never wonder why she's not happy when she has so much to be thankful for. I will never wonder why my friend who is struggling isn't calling me back. I will never wonder why she is so scared about something that seems unreasonable. The thing is anxiety sucks. It really does. But the more we talk about it the more we'll realize we're not alone. Right now my seas are peaceful and calm, but sister, if you're in the middle of a big storm I'm holding space for you because I get it. Sisters with anxiety, we are with you. Love, Jess Follow @sisteriamwithyou for everything friendship and sisterhood.

One of the accounts I follow, @nedratawwab posted a similar list a couple of weeks ago, and it made me think of the people that I work with every day, and how you keep showing up. For yourself and for the people in your life. Today I wanted to celebrate you and the strength you show in each of these actions in your own life. Thank you for the honour of being witness to that. ... #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #notquitesouthsurrey #bossladiesassociation #panorama #sullivanstation #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist #strength #courage #justshowup See more

Last week I introduced the idea of writing down quick affirmations and accomplishments in your journal as opposed to feeling like you need to write a letter each time. It was met with a good response, so I thought I would make it a weekly reminder during this holiday season we're in between Thanksgiving and New Years. If you were to write down an affirmation of yourself, would the words "I am capable" fit for you today? ... If you were to say that you accomplished something, would saying "yes" feel like an accomplishment or something you wish you hadn't done? Things to think about... #journal #journaling #accomplishment #affirmation #dailyaffirmation #discipline #therapy #counselling #couragecompassionconnection #dailyjournal #writethatdown #positivethoughts #thinkpositive #selfimage #selfcare #trauma #whiterock #surreybc #southsurreybc #notquitesouthsurrey #counsellor #deepthoughts #boundaries See more

"Valor is a gift. Those having it never know for sure whether they have it till the test comes. And those having it in one test never know for sure if they will have it when the next test comes." (Napoleon Bonaparte) I am thankful for the men and women who had the gift of valor. and fought for our freedom. If you actually sit and think of the immensity of that gift - their lives for ours - it is so humbling.... #humbled #remembranceday #canadian #couragecompassionconnection #langleybc See more

If your emotional needs weren't met as a child, it may show up in your life in many different ways. Here are some that you might notice in your life: - Gossiping about others - makes you feel better about yourself and your life. - Turning to drugs or alcohol - temporarily numbs the pain and pushes the emotions aside. - Creating drama in your life and relationships - helps you be at the centre of attention and makes you feel like you have ...some sort of power. - Ignoring your feelings - enables you to keep going because you don't have to deal with that shit. - Blaming others for how your life is - transfers responsibility away from you and allows you to push things aside. When you have unhealthy coping skills like these, take note, because they are a sign of the work that you still have left to do in your life. What are the ways that you have coped with the fact that you didn't have your needs met as a child? #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #notquitesouthsurrey #bossladiesassociation #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist #copingmechanisms #gossip #drama #feelings #blamesomeoneelse See more

Sharon Stone on the moment that changed her life! On the stage of the #GQAwards, the incredible Sharon Stone shares and relives the moment, the gesture that cha...nged her life forever. We have every right to be powerful in whatever form of sexuality we choose to have and no one is allowed to take that away from you. #sharonstone #metoo #gq

Do you spend a lot of time beating yourself up in your head? Maybe it sounds like "Why'd you say that??" or "You're so stupid, why couldn't you think of a quick or witty comeback like Julie did?" If this is something that you notice you're struggling with, here are four steps to take to start changing that inner dialogue. The last one is probably the hardest one. If you struggle with thinking about positive things about yourself, ask yo...ur best friend for some ideas. Or listen when someone tells you something positive about yourself and then go put it in your phone to add to your list later. #selfcare #talktoyourself #positivefeedback #selftalk #negativeselftalk #selfimage #goodvibesonly #couragecompassionconnection #langleybc #murrayville #whiterock #langley #townshipoflangley #anxiety #depression #trauma #evidence #innerdialogue #bekind See more

If you have children...heck, if you've BEEN a child, chances are you've heard or said this before. "Use your words!" And yet this is one of those things that seems to be easier said than done once we're adults. We think that others, especially those closest to use, should be able to read our minds. Or if you're like me, they should be able to read your face. And why can't they just KNOW what you need? And yet we humans are not mind-re...aders. As hard as it is, there are times when you need to tell people what you need from them. They can't read your mind, your mood or even the subtle messages you're trying to send them through the way you hold your body. They can only understand your needs based on what you say aloud. This helps people observe and honour the boundaries you need in your life. How can you start to use your words? #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin #useyourwords #murrayville #townshipoflangley #whiterock See more

Maybe humans should come with warning labels.

Do you journal? There's a lot of times when I ask that question, and clients look at me with a blank stare or start giving a long explanation about why they have tried and failed to do this. And yet journaling doesn't have to be setting aside an hour each day to write out all of your deep thoughts and emotions. It can be as simple as writing out a daily affirmation, and something that you've accomplished. Doing something simple like thi...s can help you begin to think about yourself more positively, and recognize something that you've done well in a world that seems to focus on how you've failed. What would you write in your journal today to affirm yourself and note what you've accomplished? #journal #journaling #accomplishment #affirmation #dailyaffirmation #discipline #therapy #counselling #couragecompassionconnection #dailyjournal #writethatdown #positivethoughts #thinkpositive #selfimage #selfcare #trauma #whiterock #surreybc #southsurreybc #notquitesouthsurrey #counsellor See more

It's that time of the week again! Have you been writing in your journal this week? I hope that this will inspire you to write down even just a couple of thoughts. Affirmation: I can do hard things Accomplishment: Setting the tone ... As we enter into what is typically a preparation time for Christmas and all that entails, how do you want to set the tone for yourself and your family? #journal #journaling #accomplishment #affirmation #dailyaffirmation #discipline #therapy #counselling #couragecompassionconnection #dailyjournal #writethatdown #positivethoughts #thinkpositive #selfimage #selfcare #trauma #whiterock #surreybc #southsurreybc #notquitesouthsurrey #counsellor #christmas #setthetone #hardthings See more

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours today. I hope that you have been able to find time to connect with your friends and family this weekend. My hope would also be that you were able to practice healthy boundaries around that time and the energy that you have put into everyone around you. And as I (half) joked on the @panoramawellness page, if this weekend hasn't gone as planned, please know I'm available to chat over the coming weeks :)... #thanksgiving #canadianthanksgiving #couragecompassionconnection #thanksgiving2020 #givethanks #familytime #family #friendsthatarefamily #givingthanks #langley #langleybc #whiterock #surreybc #counselling See more

When's the last time that you allowed yourself to be okay with change, and let the emotions just be there?

I know I'm dating myself by quoting this song, but it's been on my mind lately. And not just because the leaves are all changing and we're officially in Fall now. I've been thinking about how each of us is in a season in our lives. You might be in a really good season, where you're thoroughly enjoying your life and relationships. You might be struggling to put one foot in front of the other this season. The thing about rough seasons is... that when we've been in them for a while it can feel like they're never going to end! You keep hoping that something will change and you'll get out of this funk you're in. Or people keep telling you...this is just a season...it'll end soon. What if you were to take some matters into your own hands? Start trying things differently. Look at the things you're avoiding. Start to effect change so that the season you're in will become more bearable, end sooner, become something you walk out of stronger rather than weaker? How do you do that? One way is by reaching out to a counsellor to help you navigate the season. Another is to get support from friends and family - whether that's to get them to be leaning posts or a listening ear. You can get through this. It will end. #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #bossladiesassociation #panorama #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist #seasons #change #changesucks See more

When you dont have healthy boundaries it can feel like everyone else gets to tell you how to live and what to say and what you should do. Implementing boundaries in your life helps you to take your voice back. Speak up for what you believe in. Say yes when you want to and no when its not a good fit. Tell someone what youre comfortable discussing or not.... Raise your kids according to your values rather than what mom says has to happen. What are some ways that healthy boundaries have helped you have a voice in your life? #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

Ive shared a lot in here about how to create and implement boundaries in your own life. But how do you tell if youre crossing someone elses boundaries? Here are some ways that people might communicate in a non-verbal way that you have crossed their boundaries. Do any of these sound familiar? Either in your experience of others or how you respond when people have crossed your boundaries? ... #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

Are you feeling stretched? Maybe it feels like you are discontent, but you cant put a finger on why that is or where the discontent is coming from. Using something like the wellness wheel can help you to identify what area of your life could use some extra attention. I use this tool with clients quite often as it helps you to get out of your head and have a visual of what areas of your life are full,... and which ones are a bit emptier. And we dont stop there. We look at what are the things that are going well in each area too. We consider what they could do to bring each area up to feeling more full. As you look at this which area do you feel you could use some extra time and energy in? Which area feels full and at a good place? #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #notquitesouthsurrey #bossladiesassociation #panorama #sullivanstation #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist See more

This is one of the things that I most admire about my clients. They are courageous because they are stepping outside of their comfort zone and starting to effect change in their lives. This is a really difficult thing to do at times. You get used to the way things are, even if those things aren't the way you want them to be. If you start reaching out for help, that means you're going to rock the boat and change yourself, your relationships and your envir...onment. And yet it's SO worth it in the end! You get to become more of who you want to be and can start to feel comfortable in your own skin again. Are you ready to start to change, grow and transform?? #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #notquitesouthsurrey #bossladiesassociation #panorama #sullivanstation #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist #roytbennet See more

I shared this about a year ago and thought it was worth sharing again. Do you tell yourself that you should be over this shit already? Maybe other people tell you that if you would just let it go you’d be fine by now. ... I believe that it’s important to honour that shit in your life. Trying to push it away or dismiss it actually makes it harder to let it go. Its voice grows louder and louder, trying to get your attention so that it becomes impossible to ignore. Take time to sit with that emotion. Figure out where it’s coming from. Spend time helping yourself heal. And then when you find that it isn’t quite so big, and your own voice is louder, Then you can let it go. #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #notquitesouthsurrey #bossladiesassociation #panorama #sullivanstation #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist #letthatshitgo See more

When you don't have healthy boundaries it can feel like everyone else gets to tell you how to live and what to say and what you should do. Implementing boundaries in your life helps you to take your voice back. Speak up for what you believe in. Say yes when you want to and no when it's not a good fit. Tell someone what you're comfortable discussing or not.... Raise your kids according to your values rather than what mom says has to happen. What are some ways that healthy boundaries have helped you have a voice in your life? #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

Starting Wednesday, September 23rd, join us for a 10-week group where you learn about what healthy boundaries look and sound like, and how to implement them in a way that is true to you and your relationships. Check out more information in the link in my bio. ... #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

5 steps to setting boundaries 1. Know whats important and why. This will help you stick to the boundary. 2. Have someone support you. Knowing there is someone in your life that is supportive of you and also make sure you stick to your boundary can be a deal-breaker when youre new to setting boundaries. 3. Start small. Help yourself succeed while giving the other person the chance to get used to your new way of being.... 4. Communicate. People cant read our mindsif we want healthy relationships, we have to be willing to tell people what we want or need and what we will and wont allow in our lives. 5. Allow the other person to own their response. We cant control people and how theyll respond to us. Dont carry their response or try to make them be happy. Thats not your job. #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

One of the first steps in setting boundaries is to understand why they are important to you. And that starts with knowing what you value. How do you do this? Start by sitting down and identifying the values that you have in life. Narrow these down to the top 10. Then cut those down to what your top five are. Out of these, pick which three you could not do without, or could easily be used to define who you are and what you feel is importa...nt to stand for. Now spend some time reflecting on why these values are so important to you. Were they taught you as a child? Did they become important through life experiences? Knowing what you value and why is the starting point to being able to stand up for yourself and being able to say no to things that intrude on these value and yes to things and people that are in line with them. #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

How are you spending your time today? Labouring? Or doing anything but labouring?How are you spending your time today? Labouring? Or doing anything but labouring?

I’ve shared a lot in here about how to create and implement boundaries in your own life. But how do you tell if you’re crossing someone else’s boundaries? Here are some ways that people might communicate in a non-verbal way that you have crossed their boundaries. Do any of these sound familiar? Either in your experience of others or how you respond when people have crossed your boundaries? ... #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

Are you feeling stretched? Maybe it feels like you are discontent, but you can’t put a finger on why that is or where the discontent is coming from. Using something like the wellness wheel can help you to identify what area of your life could use some extra attention. I use this tool with clients quite often as it helps you to get out of your head and have a visual of what areas of your life are full,... and which ones are a bit emptier. And we don’t stop there. We look at what are the things that are going well in each area too. We consider what they could do to bring each area up to feeling more full. As you look at this which area do you feel you could use some extra time and energy in? Which area feels full and at a good place? #anxiety #depression #emotions #validation #validate #couragecompassionconnection #bcacc #counsellor #registeredclinicalcounsellor #counsellinginsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #whiterock #southsurrey #notquitesouthsurrey #bossladiesassociation #panorama #sullivanstation #counsellingworks #uncomfortable #comfort #compassion #therapy #counseling #talktherapy #therapist See more

Youve noticed it. Maybe youve even said it out loud to your friend or family member. * I really need to put implement boundaries with my mom. * It really bugs me that my family wont let me make my own decisions. They always have something to say and think I never do things the right way.... What can you do? * Find someone to support you and help you make changes in your life. * Ask someone who you admire because of the healthy boundaries they have in their life and ask how they do it. * Start finding ways to value your time and energy. You can also sign up for my Building Healthy Boundaries group that is starting Wednesday, September 23rd! In this group you will learn: + Why you need boundaries + Where you can start implementing boundaries in your life to start having healthy and authentic relationships with yourself and others + How to start implementing boundaries + That boundaries arent just about saying no to people, tasks and events. Theyre about learning when it is appropriate to say yes and no so that you arent building resentment within them. Join me and Lindsay Ries for 10 weeks starting September 23. Get more information by clicking the link in my bio. #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

5 steps to setting boundaries 1. Know what’s important and why. This will help you stick to the boundary. 2. Have someone support you. Knowing there is someone in your life that is supportive of you and also make sure you stick to your boundary can be a deal-breaker when you’re new to setting boundaries. 3. Start small. Help yourself succeed while giving the other person the chance to get used to your new way of being.... 4. Communicate. People can’t read our mindsif we want healthy relationships, we have to be willing to tell people what we want or need and what we will and won’t allow in our lives. 5. Allow the other person to own their response. We can’t control people and how they’ll respond to us. Don’t carry their response or try to make them be happy. That’s not your job. #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

Come and join the Building Better Boundaries group that @lindsayriescounselling and I are hosting. It starts Wednesday September 23rd and is online, so accessible wherever you are!

Have you ever tried to set a boundary and then taken it back because of the other persons reaction? Or maybe youre nervous to tell someone what your boundary is because youre afraid youre going to hurt their feelings. One of the most difficult parts of boundary setting is letting the other person own their reaction to you and your boundary. Are they upset that you arent going to respond to texts after 9:00 at night? Be patient with t...hem and yourself. Be clear about why youre setting the boundary and when they can expect a response from you, and then turn your phone off or on silent and dont respond. If you stay consistent and follow through on your boundary, they will learn and will adjust. If they dont adjust and get angry with you, ask yourself if they are actually someone that you want or need in your life? Remember to start small in the boundaries that you are setting. This allows you the opportunity for success, and helps others begin to adjust to your new way of being. If you are in an abusive relationship, please contact a professional for help in how and when to set boundaries. Support is crucial when setting boundaries, especially in this type of situation. #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

What is your self-care plan for September? It helps to make a plan because then you have a much better chance of having it become a reality. Im working on connecting with new and old friends more this month. Im also excited to plan something for while my daughter is at school!!! Id love to see your plan...tag me in your stories :) ... #couragecompassionconnection #selfcare #covid19 #coronavirus #mom #parenting #alone #isolated #isolation #anxiety #trauma #tired #overwhelmed #takecareofyourself #vancouverbossbabes #bossbabes #fraservalleybossladies #panorama #notquitesouthsurrey #whiterock #southsurrey See more

Im happy to share that I am offering the Building Healthy Boundaries group again this Fall. My co-leader, Lindsay Ries, and I are looking forward to helping you learn * why do you want boundaries in your life * what do healthy boundaries look like... * how can you tell others what your boundaries are without losing relationships (unless you need to) Learn more about this group through the link in my bio and sign up today! #boundaries #boundariesareimportant #relationshipsmatter #healthy #authentic #healthyrelationships #imatter #vancitybusinessbabes #notquitesouthsurrey #surreybc #langleybc #couragecompassionconnection #southsurreybc #boundary #boundarysetting #settingboundaries #whereiendandyoubegin See more

Typically if you find yourself using stonewalling in conflict its because your blood pressure has risen and youre feeling flooded with emotion. Your body is telling you its time to cool down, and is trying to find ways to make you do that. Being aware that this is something that is true in your life can help you be proactive. Talk to your spouse and/or therapist about what you need in order to stay engaged during conflict. ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #stonewalling #timeout #gottmanmethod #engage #flooded See more

One of the four horsemen in conflict is stonewalling. Stonewalling shows up when you want to withdraw from the argument, you shut down and stop responding to your partner. Instead of confronting the issues with your partner, you tune out, turn away, act busy, or start using distracting behaviours. Have you ever done any of these things? ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #gottmanmethod #stonewalling #conflictinmarriage See more

Contempt for your spouse is difficult to come back from because it actually starts with you, and not waiting for them to change. The antidote to contempt is fostering a sense of positive perspective, and appreciation for what your spouse does right in your relationship and elsewhere. Finding ways to make drops in your partners bucket can soften your heart and begin to fill your bucket as well. Have you managed to salvage your relationsh...ip after there was contempt? How did you do it? #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #gottmanmethod #gottman #contempt #antidote #smallthingsoften #positivity #gratitude See more

Such a great description of how counselling can feel!

The last horseman in the @gottmaninstitute list is contempt. This is the hardest one to come back from in my experience. Theres a feeling of not having any use for your partner any more, and you lose respect for them. This is a lot harsher than criticism. With criticism you are attacking the person and their character, and yet you might still feel like youre on the same level. Contempt brings a sense of moral, emotional or relational superiority to yo...ur spouse. Have you noticed contempt creeping into your arguments/attitude towards your partner? When did it start? #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #fourhorsemen #gottmanmethod #superior #superiority #contempt #disdain See more

A little laugh to start your day

The information in this video is disturbing and yet important for parents of tweens and teens to know.

The antidote to defensiveness in the midst of conflict is to take ownership of what is yours. Here are some examples of ways that you can do that. What are some examples of owning your stuff that youve seen work? ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #defensiveness #gottmanmethod #antidote #fourhorsemen See more

One sign that your relationship might be struggling is that you are being defensive when you enter into conflict. Do any of these statements sound familiar? ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #fourhorsemen #gottmanmethod #defensive #defensiveness See more

When you are trying not to use criticism in your relationship, it can help to think about ways to convey your message without ripping your partner apart. Using "I feel_______ when this happens and I need _______" can be a good way of shaping your approach to conflict in a way that helps you be heard and to hear what your partner is saying. ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #gottmanmethod #fourhorsemen See more

The @gottmaninstitute calls criticism one of the Four Horsemen in a marriage. This means that it can be one of the signs of the end of a relationship. Do you find yourself using these statements when you argue with your partner? Ill be sharing antidotes to criticism tomorrow but for now, consider what an "I" statement might look like in comparison to these. Owning your feelings rather than attacking your partner is a key component to c...hanging how you fight and it helps you hear your partner better. #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership See more

The difference between sadness and depression and how you might care for sadness

I have a friend whose husband shows up with chocolate and flowers whenever its that time of the month for her. He knows that she needs some extra TLC, and that she loves getting gifts. If your partner hears love best when they receive gifts, it may feel a bit difficult to think of things to buy for them outside of major occasions. Here are a few suggestions to help you show love through giving gifts. Is receiving gifts your love langua...ge? What gift have you received that really made you feel loved? #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #lovelanguages #garychapman #givinggifts #receivinggifts See more

Quality time together doesnt always have to be dinner out (although that is one of the examples that I listed). The key element is to make it about quality. How can you connect best with your partner when their main love language is quality time? Here are some suggestions to help you start thinking of ways that your partner would feel loved best. ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #qualitytime #lovelanguage #garychapman See more

When youre in a long-term relationship, the first thing you may think about when you picture the love language PHYSICAL TOUCH is sex. Especially if the person saying thats their language is a man. And yet theres so many more ways to convey love through physical touch (that may or may not lead to sex...they get to choose). Here are a few examples to help you think outside the box a bit. What are some ways that you feel loved through p...hysical touch? #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #physicaltouch #lovelanguages #garychapman See more

Instead of a video today, I thought Id take a moment to introduce myself again. Here are a few facts about me as a therapist: - Im passionate about helping people have healthy boundaries in their lives. - I love it when a client learns so much about themselves that theyre able to start changing how they are in relationship with themselves and others and feel more fulfilled in life.... - I believe that your past informs your present. You dont have to sit in the past, but if you allow it to help you understand why youre operating the way you are, I believe the healing happens faster. - This picture behind me sits in my office, across from clients. They either love it or hate it. Its a reflection of the counselling process as I see it - it gets dark and bumpy before it gets light and calmbut its worth it. Here are a few facts about me as a person: - I am technologically challenged. - I am slowly becoming a dog person which is a huge shock to those around me. - There are many people in my family, and we have family dynamics just like everyone else I meet in my work as a therapist. - Im happy that theres rain today, but really hope its a one day thing. Thanks for spending a few minutes out of your scrolling time here. If youd be interested in working with me to help yourself heal or move forward in life, please send me a message or book an appointment through the link in my profile. #therapistsofinstagram #couragecompassionconnection #keepingitreal #letmeintroducemyself #surreybc #panorama #notquitesouthsurrey

Someone once said that foreplay often begins when youre vacuuming the floor. This is especially true if your partners love language is ACTS OF SERVICE. Here are 8 other examples of ways that you can show love through acts of service. ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #lovelanguages #garychapman #actsofservice See more

A few days ago I shared some information on what the 5 love languages are. If your partner has said that one of their languages is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, you may be stuck on what that actually looks like. Here are just a few examples of how to use your words to affirm your partner. What are things you have said that landed well? ... #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #lovelanguages #garychapman See more

Whats your plan for taking care of yourself this month? Setting a plan for self-care can help ensure success while keeping it top of mind so that it doesnt just get dismissed in the busyness of summer and ensuring everyone else is having a good time. #couragecompassionconnection #selfcare #covid19 #coronavirus #mom #parenting #alone #isolated #isolation #anxiety #trauma #tired #overwhelmed #takecareofyourself #vancouverbossbabes #bossbabes #fraservalleybossladies #panorama #notquitesouthsurrey #whiterock #southsurrey

As I mentioned in my last post, starting a difficult conversation with a gentle start up can help change the way the conversation goes and provide you with the ability to hear your partner better. If you follow these guidelines it takes the focus off of how your partner is screwing up and gives you the ability to share how it makes you feel, and state how youd like to do things differently. @gottmaninstitute has a number of blog articles... about soft start ups. Theyre a great resource in the pursuit of doing relationships better. #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #gottmaninstitute #gottman #softstartup #gentlestartup See more

Have you heard the news? https://globalnews.ca//bc-back-to-school-plan-september-/

One of the ways to help you listen to your spouse better actually starts with you and how you begin a potentially difficult conversation. @gottmaninstitute suggests that you start these conversations with a gentle start up. State your emotions - I FEEL... Describe the situation - WHEN YOU DO THIS OR WHEN THIS HAPPENS Tell your partner what your need is in that situation - I NEED So instead of saying I dont understand why you can never get home from work at a decent time. Cant you behave like a grown up and be responsible with your time management? You could say I feel disrespected and alone in parenting when you dont come home from work in time for dinner. I would appreciate it if you could make the effort to be here on time for dinner at least three nights a week. When you enter into conflict with this type of approach, you start off with a determination to solve the problem rather than prove your point, and it can make it easier for you hear your partners perspective. #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #gottmanmethod #gottman #softstartup #gentlestartup See more

Youre arguing because he plays too many sports and you feel ignored. He says that if you just came to some of his games, then youd be doing something together. Youre like WHAT?! You want to schedule regular date nights but he always gets home late from work. He is upset because he feels like you dont respect him.... Part of the problem could be that youre speaking different languages. Love languages. As you are trying to hear your partner better in the midst of your conflict, it can help to know what their love language is. And then if you know that, it might make more sense to you as to why theyre so upset right now. If he plays a lot of sports and is wanting you to come and watch him, maybe his love language is ACTS OF SERVICE. If you want regular date nights so that you can get away from the kids, one of your love languages might be QUALITY TIME. When someone feels disrespected a lot, chances are their love language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. If you notice that your body relaxes and you feel more in tune with your spouse when you hold hands more and cuddle in bed, maybe your love language is PHYSICAL TOUCH. If your husband knows that when its that time of month for you, and brings you chocolate, Coke (is that just me?) and flowers, maybe he his love language is GIVING GIFTS. As you consider this, what do you think your spouses love language is. Would it help you both to recognize that in the midst of conflict? #couples #relationship #communication #conflict #gottmanmethod #eft #couragecompassionconnection #listen #talk #fight #argue #resolveconflict #conflictresolution #marriage #partnership #lovelanguages #fivelovelanguages #love See more