Soul Sanctum

Why certainty and compassion make poor bedfellows If your mind isn't open to questions, your heart isn't open to compassion. - Cindy Thiessen As humans, we hate not knowing something. We are wired to ask questions, to search and to grow in knowledge. Uncertainty highlights the world of gray and ambiguity, and causes us anxiety. We simply have to know and "know that we know." Certainty gives us a kind of p...Continue reading

"We spend our lives trying to discern where we end and the rest of the world begins. There is a strange and sorrowful loneliness to this, to being a creature that carries its fragile sense of self in a bag of skin on an endless pilgrimage to some promised land of belonging. We are willing to erect many defenses to hedge against that loneliness and fortress our fragility. But every once in a while, we encounter another such creature who reminds us with the sweetness of persistent yet undemanding affection that we need not walk alone." - Maria Popova May each one of us find - or be found by - the soulmate we yearn for so that we may not walk alone.

Getting the wine... Two days ago, at the golf resort where I work, a wedding took place. Two large white tents were erected, tables were decorated, flowers arranged and a delicious meal featuring prime rib was prepared. 100 chairs with white cloths and light green bows were elegantly arrayed near a small pond where the wedding was officiated. The surrounding mountains and trees - and one big black bear eating apples- looked on as the ceremony was performed. It was a grand a...ffair indeed. "Hopefully a once-in-a-lifetime event, or at least it should be," the bride told me as we rode a golf cart out to the ceremony site. Later, early evening, I was asked to run to a local store to buy more red wine. There wasn't enough for all the guests and to run out would be embarrassing. I quickly drove to the store and returned with the wine. Joy and celebration was in the air. The wine would bring pleasure to many as the evening progressed into the wee hours of the morning. I reflected on this afterward. I remembered that Jesus attended a wedding, enjoying celebration of life and love, sipping wine and relaxing with friends. Then the wine ran out! His mother asked him to help, to rescue the host, bride and groom from embarrassment and social disgrace. Jesus agreed to assist and made some incredible wine, the best in the house! This was Jesus' first miracle and it brought much joy to this celebration of marriage. He did it to show his love for people and give evidence of his investment in the life of humanity. My day job at the golf course isn't glorious. In fact, it is easy to feel small and insignificant in my position on the maintenance team. Many times I wonder what my purpose is in doing this job. I remember past days when I was a pastor and teacher and enjoyed the respect and responsibility that came with this work. But I know my focus on self (and the past) is obscuring the significance of everyday things, like getting wine for a wedding party. It is a small thing - perhaps - but maybe it's God's way of saying, "My love will become visible to others by your willingness to help people celebrate love and life." I didn't make wine - I purchased it- but it did feel good to contribute in this way. To celebrate life and love wherever and however I can; maybe that's the highest purpose, a sign that God is living among us, that he (as the prophet Zephaniah wrote) "delights in us and rejoices over us with joyful songs and, with his love, calms all our fears."

Here are some of my poetic thoughts on our need to face our grief. It's the gift we don't want to open, but immeasurable value is ours when we do. ODE TO A RAVEN Here you are again, my raven of loss. Glossy black and loud enough to pierce every corner of my retreat. ... Are you friend or foe? I want to make peace with your presence. I've known you all my life, I see that now. You were the one perched on my cradle and woke me those first nights. Pain is woven through the fabric of my life. Loss and loneliness are the dark threads of my tapestry. You swoop down and blanket everything with darkness soul deep. But you have wings to soar as well as to swoop: I know that it's you who has brought me my truest treasures. You really are my friend. You don't mess around with false hopes and empty promises. Your truth is hard and sharp. That's evident in your eyes, your beak, and in the rustle of your undertaker's cloak. You are the symbol of all I can't control, of all I love and fear to lose. This is why I'm tempted to see you as my enemy. But it's time to face my mortality and my utter helplessness to keep loss at bay. It's time to let go of foolish thoughts that I can keep all I love safe at hand forever. Can I welcome you, O wise raven, the harbinger of everything I fear? Of all I love and fear to lose? How can your inky iridescence have such power to terrify me? You are only a reminder of difficult truth. I want to be the wise woman who sits down to make friends with the raven, to enter into a wordless community with loss. The wisest counsel isn't always easy to hear so I need more than words to learn my lessons. A raven visited me today. He sat on my fence and turned his eye on me. He bobbed his head twice and cawed thrice. He carried wisdom in his beak and wounding in his wings. I fought him with my broom of wishes. Three magic swishes of my denial- Until I saw my silly self reflected in his eye, And sat down to collect my better self. I unwrapped the pain covered with my name, And welcomed everything I never wanted. A raven brought me a gift today. Grief is its name. I also want to add that we are a welcome place for any of you who might find yourselves needing some fellow human support as you navigate your own dark waters. Feel free to contact us.

In the end, prayer’s essence, its mission-statement, its deep raison d’etre, is simply this: We need to open ourselves to God in such a way that we are capable of hearing God say to us, individually, I love you! --Ronald Rolheiser

Liminal space - refers to the gap between what was and what is to come. You lost your job, a relationship, or connection with a certain community. Everything seems changed and perhaps dark because a dramatic shift has taken place and you can't figure out all the reasons why. Liminal space is a time of ambiguity or disorientation. Something has ended and something new is hopefully beginning but you are not sure what or when. And it's not just about a job or a relationship, f...or example. It's about deeper and broader things, things of the heart and soul that have become unmoored and are now adrift. Things you perhaps believed before but don't anymore, or at least, have serious doubts about them. I am definitely in liminal space. I have lost so much including purposeful work, influence, youthfulness, vision, sustaining hope. I wonder if I will ever find meaningful work again or experience settled joy. I want to learn something valuable in this liminal place but not sure I will. The tendency is to rush through liminal space on to the next thing and miss the lessons to be learned. As someone has said, liminal space offers the opportunity "to focus on things true to the reality of you." I hope that I can do that. Will I find my true self and "unfold" in areas where I am small and mal-nourished? "I don't want to stay folded anywhere," writes poet Rilke, "because where I am folded, there I am a lie." I want to live true to my authentic design. Questions arise: Was I ever effective in anything? Was I living untruthfully, pretending to be something or someone to bolster my ego? Is God really with me, empathizing, aware of my lostness and does it matter to him? Rilke again speaks wisdom to me (in Letters to a Young Poet): "So you must not be frightened if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloudshadows, passes over your hands and over all you do. You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall." I cling to the hope that something good is happening with me, that I am not forgotten and that God will not let me fall too far. Are you living in liminal space? It is real, it is necessary and has a purpose. If you and I are patient and quietly attentive, the journey through liminal space will enrich our lives and bring us to a better place.

"I don't know." Recently I talked with a man who has suffered a great deal of losses. Almost everything has been altered in his life. This deconstruction has been happening for a long time and the burden of change and sustained losses have wearied him. He is grieving deeply as well, having lost his wife to cancer. As he talked, he repeatedly ended with this: "I don't know." This phrase is incredibly appropriate, the right thing to say in almost all situations but especia...lly in times of trouble and loss. There is so much we don't know, or understand. People tell us we need to "move on." What does that even mean? Move on to what? What do people want to see happen? Often it carries this message: "After some time you will get over this and things will be normal again." So we have to ask, what does normal look like? Why can't we just be present to people, without demanding or expecting anything? "I don't know" is incredibly honest and truthful. It's okay to not know. It's okay to let others stay in their not knowing. Losses, reversals and grief bring dark shadows and a kind of numbness that cannot countenance easy answers or glib phrases - especially religious ones. Kindness to ourselves and others means we have to be okay with "I don't know" and embrace the unknown, believing that God will lead us forward when the time is right. But "forward" will look a lot different than anyone can imagine. It will actually be an "arrival" that will surprise us, after a long journey through darkness. Sometimes with the bones of the black sticks left when the fire has gone out someone has written something new in the ashes of your life You are not leaving, even as the light fades quickly now, you are arriving. (from "The Journey" by David Whyte) See more

Today I was reminded twice about kindness. "Be kind to each other" - a sign along the highway encouraging bicyclists and motorists to give space to the other. "Kindness is never wasted" - on a poster fastened to the ceiling above the dentist's chair I was lying on while the hygienist was cleaning my teeth. It's hard to be kind some days, isn't it? We are worried, hurried, irritated, occupied with many things. Kindness takes time. It takes seeing the person in front of me or... persons around me and paying attention. The Bible tells us to "clothe" ourselves with kindness - to wear kindness like a piece of clothing so that it is visible, tangible to all. Kindness is so essential in this rough and tough world. We look for it, we need it. Kindness could literally save someone's life, maybe your life! Be kind to one another; it won't be wasted.

"To forge an untouchable, invulnerable identity is actually a sign of retreat from this world; of weakness, a sign of fear rather than strength, and betrays a strange misunderstanding of an abiding, foundational and necessary reality: that untouched, we disappear." --David Whyte

"There is such depth to listening, and an exchange, like an echoe from inside a canyon, when friends have listened at my most hopeless. They heard. Someone heard, heard what was happening, what was true and painful, when the center would not hold. They sat, listened and breathed with me, like doulas. . . . The person said, 'I hear you, it completely sucks, I'm here for you and will be, no matter what.'" (These words are by Anne Lamott, in her book "Hallelujah Anyways: Rediscovering Mercy." ) Is there someone you need to listen to today - silently, mercifully, with no judgment? You could save their life.

The search. . . "We search for a good self to be and for good work to do. We search to become human in a world that tempts us always to be less than human or looks to us to be more. We search to love and to be loved. And in a world where it is often hard to believe in much of anything, we search to believe in something hold and beautiful and life-transcending that will give meaning and purpose to the lives we live." - Frederick Buechner in "The Longing for Home-Reflections at Midlife"

Sanctuary - a place where there's peace, minimal disturbance and a deep sense of safety. This world is both beautiful and cruel. Our soul needs sanctuary, silence and safe places. "Sanctuary is wherever I find safe space to regain my bearings, reclaim my soul, heal my wounds and return to the world as a wounded healer. It's not merely about finding shelter from the storm - it's about spiritual survival and the capacity to carry on," writes Parker Palmer. Reading the news re...veals to me how violent our world is. Examining my heart and soul shows me how broken and anxious I am. How can we love the world and love ourselves when life is so chaotic, even dangerous and I'm a mess? Finding sanctuary - in silence, in nature, in a song or poem, in the company of trusted friends, in a beautiful quiet space - helps us to "reclaim our souls for the purpose of loving the world" and regain strength to navigate the crooked and dangerous paths of life. Where is your sanctuary? Or perhaps, who is your sanctuary? A Psalm tells us that God is a refuge (sanctuary) - we can run to him and be safe. For some God is not a safe person so other kinds of sanctuary are needed. Perhaps after various encounters with safe and loving humans some will discover God as refuge. Whoever you are and wherever you are, may you find your sanctuary and discover new light and courage to live well in this challenging world of ours.

Polarization and discrimination have a lot in common. They both emphasize difference rather than similarity. Both support the idea that diversity is dangerous and that sameness ensures safety and well-being, that certain people deserve better treatment and have more value simply because they are the right color or the right age or members of the correct political party or religious belief. Fear and arrogance underpins both, heightening suspicion and fuelling hatred. I am n...Continue reading